Something Else to say.

I am no longer angry at my ex. He actually said sorry and explained some things and I was so happy I started crying. I'm no longer crying over missing my friend anymore either and I have met a lot of cool people. I forgive my ex completely. I'm so happy.

The Liking

So I wanted to date someone a couple of months after I was broke up.
But I just wasn't feeling it for anybody even though I had a lot of options.
So I decided to take my friends advice on this and not date anyone, just make a bunch of friends and be by myself and figure out who I am & what I want.
So I did that and I still didn't want to date simply because I was happy.

But last night I went to see a friends band and I brought a friend (One of the few female friends I have) and I made friends with a girl who's band I saw once and she is awesome and I hope I get to hang out with her again.

Anyway.

I saw this guy. He was cool, dancing like a idiot and then I find out he was in my friends band. (Another band was playing before them) He's the lead singer. He kept looking at me when they were playing and I honestly started blushing. Of course though I thought, "It's because he's the singer and guitarest in a band. It's just infatuation. A girly crush."
Besides he's doing that to everyone.
But he was looking at me and he kept coming back to me and meeting my gaze.

After the show I started talking to him and he asked to see my phone and put his number in it and I did the same to his phone.
He texted me a hour later and he's hilarious and I actually LIKE someone.
WOW.
It's nice to feel this way again, to like someone. I knew I could like again but I actually liked someone enough to date them. Even before I rarely liked someone enough to date them, only two people to be exact.
I have a lot of dude friends, almost all of them are adorable.
Some like/liked me and I just didn't feel anything and it was disspointing.
I thought about dating one for a while just to try it out because he liked me and I thought he was nice and why not right? But then I took my friend advice and decided to be alone.

When I went to see that band I wasn't looking for someone and I found someone I like. I'm so happy....now just to get a date.

There's always one problem.

Understanding Me

I think I understand myself a little better now.

How I feel about my ex and him dating.
I'm still not sure about how I feel about other people yet though.
Like, dating other people.

I'm scared to fall in love again,
I feel like I can't and I don't know if it's because it took me so long the first time to fall in love that I feel like I can't or if it's just because I'm scared or haven't dated enough or maybe I just haven't found the right person.
I think this one guy might ask me out but I don't know if i like him.

I think it would be wrong to say yes but I want to take a chance and see how things go. If I dont feel anything in like a week I guess I'll end it but I dunno

the ANGER

I am mad. I'm mad that I was broken up with. I honestly don't want to get back together with him and I don't like him in that way at all anymore but I miss being held and I miss kissing but I want it to be with someone I really like. 
I can like people again and I'm so happy because for about a month I just didn't and I was scared I would never feel that way again. Now we're friends but I'm still so I dunno.

I mean I want to be friends but sometimes he still treats me like dirt. I hate it. I feel bad complaining about it though. I mean come on. I'm not his girlfriend. But I am his friend and I do know I'm still important to him.
But he is dating someone and maybe I'm just jealous that I'm still single and he's not.

I think that's it actually.

Wow.

I figured out why i was mad in the middle of my blog.

I kind of hate him for that and I feel bad about it but I can't really help it right now. I also hate his girlfriend. She's blond and tall and pretty and it makes me feel like worthless. Like he's dating the girl who I am the opposite of. It just makes me feel bad. I think people get it though. Also she has boobs and I'm flat. >:{

But I'll just work with what I got.
I know I'm going to find someone who likes me how I am so I shouldn't worry about looks...but it still bothers me.

I'm sorry all my blogs are well bad.

I'm not editing them besides spell check, for now they're just to let my feelings out.
Later I might actually try to connect to other people.
But for now this is just to relieve anger and stress.
I think this is going to help.

I kind of hate his friends too, but that is because they're inmature and with him I love him (as a friend) so I can look past that but he just hangs out with such....teenyboppers.

I saw some of them the other day and they just auggggh they littered and me and my other friend picked up their stupid shit.

I was just so...angry.

WELL THIS IS THE ANGER BLOG.

Anyway....

I'm jealous of him.

I hate his girlfriend for being better then me.

His friends are dumb asses.

I know I seem like a horrible person right now but well I am. I'm not in a very good place.

I'm sorry for saying mean things.

I am jealous but i'll get over it and then we can be legit friends and I'll tell you thanks for putting up with me all these years.

I'm sorry, I don't hate you I'm just insecure and I shouldn't be. You're not better then me just different and you're a person too so I shouldn't put you on a pedestal.

 His friends are dumb asses but it's because they're a teenager and every teen is a dumb ass. I was too just a while ago. You grow out of it and I shouldn't judge. EVERYONE has been there.

I feel better....

missing him

My friend moved. I miss my friend so much and have cried so much. I can't even believe how much I miss him. I really really want him to come back. I can't even describe how much I miss him. I started writing because someone on Soulpancake said it was a good way to relieve anger. This I'm not angry about but I just need to let it out in another way then just crying about it all the time

I feel great

I kept checking my exes facebook account over and over again.
I didn't want to but I couldn't help myself. He wasn't even posting interesting things and I would get all worked up wanting to check it so I would and it would be NOTHING.
So I made a goal not to check for a week and I stuck to it and it has been a week and now I don't even feel like checking it. I know I will eventually.
But it's not like before and I'm happy about that.

Here

So for the past couple of days since I made this blog I have wanted to post something. I wasn't sure what. I first I thought about blogging about my break up and then I thought maybe about how much I miss my friend but I don't want to be a downer and I think I got most of my feelings out on SP and a couple of other places.

I like how it auto saves your post.

That is actually very useful.

I think I'm going to be a horrible blogger but maybe I can learn some things and I'm sorry that I'm all over the place in these posts.

I don't mean it.

Really.

ANYWAY. I really don't want to post anything else for now I just wanted SOMETHING to post.